Whew, Wow, Whoa!!

I've been on the enzyme therapy for a month now. (details in the previous post and another post, probably for tomorrow, on the day-to-day specifics.)

It certainly has meant taking a lot more responsibility for my care: instead of going for treatments once every six weeks or so, I spend several hours each day poking and dosing and feeding myself the right thing so that the therapy lopes along.

All of the research reports on the results of this therapy are excellent, and my nutrition coach, Pamela, has been fabulous in supporting me. She and I have spent a lot of time on the phone together, and she patiently answers every one of my questions about dosage and timing and procedure.

(You can feel a "But" coming, can't you??)

But holy cow -- these supplements are intense!!!

Every time I take one of the larger doses, I get completely spaced out and a little bit queasy for the next couple of hours -- I can tell that my body is spending a lot of energy to process what I'm putting into it.

That's nothing, though, compared to the depression that I've been feeling. Several times a week I am seriously hammered by intense sadness. Several times a week I find myself in tears at inconvenient moments for no particular reason. (or for some normal here's-what-life-throws-us-all reason, but I let it completely get to me and incapacitate me.) I'm a zillion miles behind on just about everything in my life, and in contacting just about everyone I should be getting in touch with. (so to all of my friends out there, hello, I haven't forgotten about you, I still love you!)

It's not the supplements in and of themselves. I've been taking over 120 supplements per day since last August, and the enzyme therapy has me on about the same amount now -- and there's a lot of overlap in the substances that I'm taking.

I've hesitated to write about the depression, because I wasn't quite sure what was happening. My dad died a couple of months ago, so of course I initially thought that I was sad about his passing. And every individual incident seems to have a perfectly reasonable proximate cause that I can pin it on. ("I can't believe that *X* did *Y*!!" etc. etc. etc.)

But what's happening is much more than that, or that, or any other one particular explanation. Something is going on here that is *intensely* depressing me, and I need to figure it out.

My initial suspicion is focused on the humongous dose of pancreatic enzymes that I'm taking every day. I asked Pamela about it and she said the depression is "normal" for patients on enzyme therapy; the body is going through an intense detoxification process, and great gobs of toxins are being thrown into my bloodstream.

OK, I suppose I find that to be a sensible explanation…but I also find it really tough to keep subjecting myself to this level of (perceived) emotional duress. I am going to keep investigating this, and try some tweaks to bring myself back into some kind of equilibrium. Any suggestions are most welcome!